you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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