hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
