What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she smelled like a LAN party
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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