were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I didn't notice because vodka
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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