i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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