girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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