if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
