i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
