paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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