You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
