she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
50% drunk capacity currently
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The adults are the big ones right?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize