then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
