You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
