a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you still have your period?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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