I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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