i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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