i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize