Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just invented taco cereal.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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