I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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