I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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