Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
