Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize