I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
