you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize