Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
