You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
