Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
