bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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