i don't like sucking hair
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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