She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
