i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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