i need an iv and a liver transplant
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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