mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
