Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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