We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
