sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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