After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
