I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
