Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
