hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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