Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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