you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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