Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
