At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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