Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
