My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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