So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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