Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
