Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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