I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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