I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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