He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
