PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
