AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
