It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize