Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
