My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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