drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
