I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
