I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
