Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
