yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize