our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
